For Your Amusement...

Things to remember:

1) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's

not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into

doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,

drop them off at the wrong house."

- Jeff Foxworthy


2) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball

and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the

infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."

- Dave Barry


3) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took

her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,

'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"

- Paula Poundstone


4) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have

better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the

authors of that study: "Duh"

- Conan O'Brien


5) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm

halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....

I could be eating a slow learner."

- Lynda Montgomery


6) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of

people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime

and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough.

Let's go west.'"

- Richard Jeni


7) "Suppose you were an idiot And suppose you were a

member of Congress.. But I repeat myself"

- Mark Twain


8) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.

At least they can find Afghanistan."

- A. Whitney Brown


9) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog,

and the dog will give you a look that says,

'My God, you're right!

I never would've thought of that!'"

- Dave Barry


10) Do you know why they call it "PMS"?

Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.

- Unknown, presumed deceased